I am shocked at the amount of time people in Austin spend outdoors during the summer. I guess they’ve got to get on with their lives no matter the weather, but c’mon. I mean, when it was 0º in Chicago, never once did I say, “Hey there, I see your mustache is frozen. Care to take a walk?” But here there are so many events planned outside during the hottest and most mosquito-y time of the year: concerts, festivals, art walks, bike rides, half-marathons, farmer’s markets. I could possibly manage to avoid all of those if I were willing to spend the entire summer with my cats (which I am), but then friends invite you to take walks around the lake or come to a BBQ when the sun is up. I don’t get it. What about heatstroke? Anyone heard of sunburn? You guys know that people sweat, right? The tar in the street is bubbling and it’s 102º in the shade but you want me to come to your apartment and stand around a fire while you cook veggie dogs? Super idea. Yesterday I changed my clothes ENTIRELY twice. I’m talking underpants (I don’t say panties) and bra, too. I feel like when I was in Los Angeles, no one did anything when it was really hot but complain about how really hot it was. But I guess it’s just the Texas spirit. Nothing scares a Texan. Except a Democrat. (snare drum!) I am the least political person you know, so that is the first and last even vaguely political joke I will ever make. It’s not even a joke, it’s a quip. Anyway, don’t mess with Texas, Sun. We can take it. And if we (I) can’t, there’s always cold beer.