Today I had a commercial audition. Where I had to wear only my underwear. I mean, almost all the cast did, too, but still. We were supposed to be in an office so I put on my pantyhose and my heels and proudly auditioned in the control top. It’s a sight gag for sure. But if I get the job, hooray! It’s funny to walk into a room with 5 other strangers and everyone starts stripping. I know that essentially a bra and panties (I hate that word) are really just like wearing a bikini, but somehow it all seemed forbidden. I had brought a half slip to wear, too, but the session runner let me know that “just pantyhose looks better.” Better to whom?
On Monday night, the wonderful theatre that I am a part of, iO West, hosted part of an evening dedicated to me. It was so lovely and so awkward at the same time. I got to be the monologist for the Armando show at 10PM and then at 11PM there was a tribute. I sat in the audience and listened tearfully as dear friends stood onstage and said amazing things about me. It was like being at my own funeral and getting to hear all the eulogies. Except that at the end of each speech, I got to hug the speaker. That rarely happens at funerals. Even with an open casket. Everyone described this really cool girl and while I knew intellectually that they were talking about me, it was still as if they were talking about somebody else. At the end, I spoke. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I do remember mentioning September 11th. Timely. Everyone loves a reference to terrorism at a celebration. And then Karen gave me a medal that says “Winner.” It was great. I’m not so good at receiving, but it is definitely a night I will never forget. My initial discomfort and anxiety was pushed out of the way by overwhelming love. And that love was coming from me, too.
Speaking of overwhelming feelings, I’ve been having some. My emotions seems to swing from euphoria to melancholy pretty easily and regularly of late. I was at Starbucks and out the window I saw cars in the drive-thru. Each one contained one person. And each one of those people was on the phone. Ah, look at all the lonely people. I should have been wearing the face that I keep in the jar by the door. I started crying. And then today, as I was coming back from Santa Monica, I made really good time on the 405. And I was filled with calm and joy and ecstasy. Do you remember when we met [Los Angeles]? That’s the day I knew you were my pet. I want to tell you, oh how much, I love you.

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