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Hey all. It’s been a while. So long that I forgot how to log into WordPress. YIKES. Obviously I figured it out. A bottle glass of wine helped.

I’m still working at Whole Foods and I still love it. I’m now on a cash register and I have lots of produce codes to remember. Most I’m fine with, but red onions and kale just won’t stay in my brain. Shallots and cilantro (gross), on the other hand, will. And Baby Bok Choy? Forget it. Never gonna happen.

The guys who come into Whole Foods are gorgeous and polite. A dangerous combination. I fall in love every day with some new gent. I have this pheromone perfume stuff that’s supposed to attract the opposite sex and I’ve been wearing it, but my friend Lisa says that it’s making me fall for all these guys rather than the other way around. Whatever, Lisa! Clearly, the line at my register indicates that I am a desirable cashier and that my cheap pheromone perfume is attracting people to the Salad Bar.

My ovaries are in overdrive now. Hey there, 40! Every baby I see I want to eat. That’s normal, right? The true sign of a good potential mother? Today a guy that I work with asked me my last name (White) and then started laughing and said, “that’s awesome.” Maybe I said “Boobs,” “Breast Pump” or “My Eggs are Degrading and My Biological Clock just went Off” by mistake.

I got some new glasses. They are very Kyra Sedgwick from “The Closer.” Black-rimmed and all. I thought to myself, “my whole life I’ve gotten frames that disappear into my face, but you know what? I wear glasses, people. Deal with it.” I also have short Bettie Page bangs now. My descent into Austin/Silverlake is almost complete. All I’m lacking is a sleeve tattoo of a mermaid, an apple and something that requires a lot of explanation and I’m 100%.

In September, I have a bunch of friends coming in town for the Out of Bounds Festival. I. Cannot. Wait. I’ll be performing with King Ten and there are several other troops coming this way. It’s going to be so much fun. I got to see The Mighty Regis when they were down in San Antonio for the Warped Tour. I had a great time despite the 623% humidity. I also got to see a lot of friends over Memorial Day because The Friday 40 was in town for the Austin Sketchfest. I had a wonderful time with Dave, Dave, Scott, Julia, Brandon, Ben and Nick. I was tipsy and full of queso and/or refried beans most of the weekend.

I was offered an audition last week for a SAG movie in which I would be paid…..patience….in food. FOOD. How does SAG calculate health insurance from food payment? I politely declined. I have eaten all the Snackwell’s I ever need to eat, thank you very much.

That seems like about it. Hormonally yours, Irene